I don’t think I’ve ever met a person that hasn’t dealt with fear at some point in their lives. Some people struggle in this fight more than others, but it can be absolutely crippling. It can be the very thing that prevents you from moving forward into all the blessings the Father has waiting for you. The enemy is a genius at attacking you right where you are the most vulnerable and often will hit you at your greatest fear. But the Lord gave us something to combat this attack: The Shield of Faith and the Belt of Truth.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7
Earlier this year (June 14th to be exact) we gave birth to our third child, a boy we named Evans, only to have to say goodbye to him a short time later. The grief has been overwhelming at times and sometimes unbearable. But that emotion was the emotion we expected. We may not have understood the intensity of it or the duration, but we definitely knew the waves would come. The emotion we never planned on was FEAR.
It crept in over the next few days and weeks and was different for both Cindy and me. And, I think that is a very realistic depiction for all of us….it’s always different. The ways it presents will be different, the attacks will be tailored to us, and the ways we handle it are all different.
My feelings of fear really began and were the most intense when I had to go back to work after being off and spending time with my family, as we worked through the next steps of our grief journey. I had a lot of guilt I was working through the first few weeks because I didn’t make it for his birth. If you want the full story, go HERE. If you know me, you know that I am VERY involved when it comes to the births of our children. Some dads like to be present but not active, not me. Whether it’s doing hip compressions, or sacral support, or holding a cool washcloth on her head, or being in the birth tub with her just holding her and talking into her ear, I’m passionate about being whatever Cindy needs me to be during the process. So to be stuck on an airplane at 30,000 feet and unable to support and be there for her during the one birth she needed me the most……it crushed me. I had abandoned my wife and kids before, about 3 years ago and we had gone through so much healing over that and this brought me right back to that and it was completely out of my control. People called and messaged me immediately telling me that it wasn’t my fault and to not blame myself. And I listened, truly I did, but I’m a “fixer” and a “controller” by nature and it hurt me so badly that I couldn’t be there for my family during that stressful few hours. The Father gave me peace and really worked on my heart, but a sliver of regret, guilt and shame remained and that little fox slipped in and soon it turned to fear.
Have you ever seen the movie, Rise of the Guardians? If you haven’t, it is completely 
worth your time. The villain in the movie, “Pitch Black” represents and uses the one thing that can steal the hopes and dreams of the children in the movie…..FEAR. He is talking to Jack Frost (you just have to see it…lol) during one scene and he says, “I know your greatest fear Jack, that’s something I always know..” Then he goes on to name the one thing that Jack fears the most and it almost cripples him. Let’s be honest…..this has happened to pretty much all of us at one time or another. The enemy comes in, and whispers into our ear the one thing we fear the most in life or at that time in our life and makes it feel like truth. And we lose our footing…..we have to sit down to catch our breath and our bearings and some of us never find our footing again.
My greatest fear when it was time to go back to work was that I wouldn’t be there again when my family needed me.
I couldn’t bear to take them through that again. I couldn’t handle seeing the disappointment in my wife’s eyes, or the sadness on my son’s face. I was pretty worthless the first few days I was back at work. I couldn’t focus and couldn’t be happy, no matter how hard I tried. I seriously considered selling our businesses and being done with them so that I could be closer to my family. My mind was all over the place. There was a war going on inside my mind and heart. That’s the thing about fear, it will always tell you things that are not true, making you believe things that aren’t reality. It will try to get you to make decisions that are not based on truth and on the Father’s voice.
“The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth.” Psalm 145:18
“And you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” John 8:32
So I had to cry out to the Father and ask Him to re-show me the truth of our situation and direct me where I needed to go. The truth was that my God promises to “never leave me nor forsake me” and that goes for my family. The truth was that God is my “defender and my strong fortress” to defend my family against the attacks of the enemy. It’s my responsibility as the head of my household to lead and protect my family, but I can only effectively do that holding the Father’s hand and letting him lead me first. Without letting Him pour His love into me, how can I pour anything out on my family that needs it so much??? How can I offer more care and love to patients in my office than I do at home with my family??
So I prayed. I prayed for vision on how best to love my family. I prayed for vision on how much time and when to give to my kids to fill them up the best I could. I prayed for vision for each area my wife needed me the most…..and I listened…..and I followed what the Lord gave me. I haven’t done it all perfect ever since, but we’re taking it day by day. I have FAITH in the fact that when it says he has plans “for hope and a future” for me and my family, that that’s exactly what that means. I have FAITH that he will always answer 
me when I call. He may not do it right away, but it will always be exactly when I need it and will always be exactly what I need to hear.
When you let you faith fall, you are dropping your shield and opening yourself up for all of the arrows and attacks of the enemy. Fear, guilt and shame are all the same attack and come together. And you have to hold your shield firm to block those attacks and slowly begin to push back and take back ground that you lost.
Cindy’s fear has been very different. Where I have feared abandoning them again….she has feared losing us altogether. We are still praying through this and working through it day by day and being sensitive to the days it is more intense. But ever since losing Evans…..her greatest fear is that she will lose me or Harper or Ellie. If we drive somewhere, she always wants to ride together in case something happens. She hates going anywhere without us, like teaching in Georgia this last weekend, because she is afraid something will happen and she won’t be here. It completely breaks my heart.
So we go back to TRUTH: The Lord is good
“Oh taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.” Psalm 34:8
“For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting; and His truth endureth to all generations.” Psalm 100:5
“The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and He knoweth them that trust in Him.” Nahum 1:7
And we praise Him and trust Him through every single minute of every single day. Because when the arrow of fear gets past your shield, it is armor piercing. It goes deep and you have to remove it, quickly before infection sets in and takes over all of your thoughts and function. You have to go through the pain of pulling it free to be able to heal. There’s healing in the pain, healing in the bleeding, healing in opening up that wound so that the Father can cleanse the wound for us and patch it with His love.
I had one of our friends come to me to get adjusted just the other day who is newly pregnant with her third baby. I knew she was struggling and so I asked her, “How are you feeling today?” …to which she simply replied, “I’m great!”. So I asked her, “How are you doing mentally and emotionally?” She stopped for a second and then said, “Well, honestly, I’m dealing with a lot of fear.” I sat down in front of her and said, “Why?” And she said, “Umm, well…..because of you guys and what you’ve gone through.” I already knew that’s what she would say so I wasn’t shocked, but I was burdened for her. So I told her, “List those fears, you and your husband pray for covering, and you focus on TRUTH.”
Because there are times in life when things don’t go the way you plan for them to. We are walking in that right now. But to fear those things happening is to not enjoy life every day. Fearing the future, what could or might happen, is right where the enemy wants you to be because if he can get you to fear walking through the door enough to keep you standing where you are….then you’ll never experience all the Lord has for you and you will never be all that you can be for Him. If he can’t keep you away from the Father, then he will try to sideline you. To pull you out of the fight for you family or your marriage. He will cripple you so that you are unable to stand up and declare the promises of the Father over your situation and life.
So what is your greatest fear?
Fear can destroy your hope and can destroy the dreams the Lord has given you.
Don’t let it. You have THE truth on your side. You have HOPE. You have LOVE. And you have each other. When you can’t stand on your own, let someone hold you up…..and fight on.
JB